Growing up 'The Art Kid'

 I did a Fine Arts Degree straight out of high school, followed by Video Game Design. In school, everyone knew me as the arty one- but being from a smaller school, it was easy to get that name as long as you had some form of interest in drawing.

Going to university was hard because I was surrounded by creative individuals for the first time, and we were actively sharing work over the long run. I never felt like it was a competition, not to imply that, but being in a room full of people who were just as good at art felt like my entire personality was trivial. Who was I if not the art kid? 

Imposter syndrome then kicked in. Why was I here? Everyone is so good, why did I make this my personality if I can't compete? It went on for most of my degree in the sidelines of my mind, slowly being overshadowed by the realization that everyone's art is special. But it did always linger, and so I never did art for me. What was the point when I needed to do art for school? 

Anyway, here I am now, doing school for Software Development (Turns out getting a art related job if gallerywork is not your thing is a little tricky in rural Canada), and I picked up a random sketchbook while visiting a huge art store in Toronto. 

Friends' apartment in Toronto

I got it cause it was yellow, and it was small, and in my head that would make me bring it everywhere. And, to be fair, it worked. I started drawing again, slowly at first. I actually had fun, I enjoyed just doing things that didn't have to be perfect.

But a few months in, I decided to start posting the pages on my Instagram. I thought maybe if I started posting the pages I liked and didn't like, it would help me feel less pressured to only share masterpieces that would never happen. I did it every week or so, whenever I felt like scanning and uploading. 

I didn't do it for anyone else; I did it for me. It wasn't a project, it wasn't a showcase. It was just so that I could get these ideas out of the book, so I could create more. Eventually, I had a friend from art school text me saying that me posting stuff made her want to be more open with her creative process and loved that I just would post these. Another one who was becoming a tattoo artist said she started posting all the flash work she was doing because she felt like it would help open her style up to her clients. 

I'm not saying that me posting my shitty little drawings is life-changing, probably far from it. But knowing that me being less restrictive on the art I share helps others feel the same openness does make me happy. I'm still doing it for me, but if it helps someone who is in the same slump as I was, then a win is a win.